Our Miracle

There are moments in life that some people get to experience.  Moments that change your life forever.  I have had a few of those moments in my young 27 (almost 28) years.  I learned rather quickly at age 18 that I am not invincible.  I have really tried to remember that through the years.  I have done well with remembering that with most things in my life, but for some reason I still felt that I was invincible to death until I was OLD.  Not "oh I am almost 30 OLD" but I mean "really, really lots of grandkids and great-grandkids OLD."  That is how I used to feel...that is, until we LIVED our miracle.  It truly was a miracle and I will never deny that fact.  Here is the story of our miracle......

We spent Thanksgiving weekend with my family in Ellensburg just like any other Thanksgiving.  We ate, played games, and just enjoyed being together as a family.  Saturday night I went on what I like to call a little "date" with my Dad.  My Dad and I weren't very close while I was growing up. Now that I am an adult and more mature, I absolutely cherish my dad.  I love to be around him and I love every minute that I get with him.  I love when he puts his arms around me and tells me that he loves me.  So, Saturday night, we went into town to go to the store.  Needless to say, I laughed and cried (a good cry) while we were together.   When we were out, I noticed that my left kidney was hurting pretty bad.  I just passed it off as one of my many kidney problems and thought that maybe I was getting ready to pass a stone.  (No big deal right?!?!)

Sunday the pain on my left side went away.  We went to Sacrament meeting where my Dad blessed my new nephew Bauston.  We left after and while on our way home, I started to notice that my right kidney was hurting, this time worse than the night before.  I really felt like I would be passing a stone again.

That night the pain got worse and spread to both sides.  I was NOT happy.  I had surgery scheduled for the following Thursday to get the stones blasted on my right side.  I really didn't want to suffer for the next 4 days until my surgery.  I think that I also started fevering Sunday night but didn't think too much of it.  I called my Dr. that night and asked for more pain meds.  He told me that he would call it in in the morning.  I simply told him that I thought that I was passing a stone and that I just needed the pain meds. I didn't mention my fever, which now I know was NOT a good thing.

Monday I started throwing up like crazy, had unbearable pain on both sides and tried sleeping as much as I could to pass the day.  I noticed that my milk supply was going down and I couldn't feed Kohen anymore.  I still had a fever and still didn't tell my Dr.

Tuesday I still couldn't keep anything down and I still had a fever.  Jerrod did all that he could to try to hydrate me, but nothing seemed to help.  I was in the worst pain of my entire life.  I remember calling my mom to tell her how much pain I was in and I just cried.  You may not want to know this detail, but I do for my own personal history.... while I was sleeping that day, I woke up with the sudden urge to throw up.  I reached for the bowl, threw up some dark stuff, and suddenly started peeing everywhere.  I had NO control.  I couldn't help it.  I knew that something was wrong.  Later that afternoon or evening, Jerrod and I decided that we should probably call my Dr. to tell him that I was having a fever for the past few days.  We did, and my Dr. said that I probably had a kidney infection.  He told me that I could go into the E.R. that night, or see him first thing in the morning.  I decided to wait until the morning because I really didn't want to deal with the mess of the ER.

Now, at this point, some of you might be saying...Heidi....are you dumb?! How could you go through all of this and not do something earlier?  Well, let me introduce you to me...I am a strong woman.  I sometimes think that I can take on things that are bigger than me.  I thought that I could handle merely "passing a stone" because I had gone through this twice before in my life.  I want to be the tough-I-can-do-anything-and-get-through-anything-Mom-of-3.  Fever?  I can fight it.  Throwing up?  I can fight it.  Passing a kidney stone?  I can pass it.  But what I didn't realize was that I was starting to get into VERY dangerous territory.  And, the biggest lesson of all...Fever=infection.  I know that now.  And, I know that I don't need to prove anything.  I am strong, but it is okay to be weak at times.  


Wednesday morning I was at the Dr. at 8 am.  Apparently I looked terrible.  The nurse took my blood pressure and I remember her having to check it a couple of times.  She asked if I normally had low blood pressure and I told her that I didn't.  I even had perfect blood pressure when I was pregnant.  She then told me that my blood pressure was 80/40, which is extremely low.  Another nurse came in to put an IV site in me.  She had a really hard time finding a vein because I was so dehydrated.  She put it in the bend in my elbow and it looked horrendous.  They then started to pump me with fluid.  Dr. Taggart said that if I didn't look like a million bucks after the two bags that I was going straight to the hospital.  Jerrod had dropped the kids off at a friends house and we waited in that room for 2 hours.  Dr. Taggart came in and told me that he was sending me to the hospital.  I could hear them outside saying that there wasn't any room in the hospital, but he fought for me to be there.  He said that I had to get there, so they needed to find somewhere to put me.  I am thankful for that.

We went to the hospital and they first made me do a CT scan and then they took me to my room in pediatrics.  I had an amazing nurse named Tristan who I felt very close to.

From this point on, I don't really remember a whole lot.  This has been very hard for me to come to terms with.  I have tried to put full 24 hour periods together with only a few minutes of memory.  Some people say that maybe it was for the better that I don't remember what happened to me that week.  I have just come to realize that I won't remember everything and that is okay.  I have to pull from other people's memory.  So, the day that I got home from the hospital, I had Jerrod write down the things that he remembered about what happened to me.  So, for the next few days will be details from what he wrote down, and then I will interject what I remember from that day.  Blue=Jerrod   Red=Heidi

Wednesday Dec.1 -When Heidi got to her room they gave her 2 more bags of fluid.  Her heart rate was around 120-130 range.  Normal range is 60-90.  From 2-4 pm her heart rate got up into the 150 range.  They gave her about 6 more bags of fluid throughout the day.
The only thing I remember around this time was that Jeff Blackham came to help Jerrod give me a blessing.  I don't remember much from the blessing except that I would be blessed to be comforted in knowing that my children would be taken care of.  I do remember being so thankful for the gift of the Priesthood which my husband holds.  He was able to bless me and I know that that is part of the reason why I am here today.  


Late Wednesday evening, her heart rate got below 100 and her blood pressure was stable.  She had a fever of 102.8.  She had kidney failure.  Heidi's parents drove over from Ellensburg to be with her and to help out with the kids.  
I remember waking up in the middle of the night Wednesday not being able to breathe very well and crying and saying that my chest hurt.  It was very hard.  I remember nurses all around me and I remember my kind, sweet, nurse Terry.  I remember how she helped to soothe me.  Early the next morning, she told me that she was a Christian who was praying for me and then asked if she could pray with me.  It was a beautiful prayer.  I was grateful for her and her most sincere prayer that she offered on my behalf.  I also remember my Urologist coming in to tell me about the surgery that I was going to be having that day.  He asked something to my nurse and she said that she didn't want to talk about it in front of me.  I think that is the first time that I realized that I really was incredibly sick.  It was kind of a scary moment in my life.  


Thursday Dec. 2 -
Heidi's heart rate was in the 115-125 range.  She had fluid in her lungs.  She couldn't eat or drink anything because of her scheduled surgery at 1 pm.  The surgery was to put Nephrostemy tubes in her back to her kidneys to drain her urine because her kidneys had failed.  
Up to this point I remember being so angry that I couldn't drink anything.  I wanted nothing more than to drink water.  They wouldn't even let me eat ice chips.  I would wake up from my sleep and wish that I could have water.  Finally, they let me swish water in my mouth just so I could get some moisture.  Every time I would ask, they would say that I could as long as I didn't drink it.  I did that as much as I could until they took me back for my surgery.  I realized at that time that I took being able to drink water for granted.  I couldn't wait until I was done to be able to drink as much water as I wanted.


They started Heidi's surgery at 1 pm and it lasted until 6:30 pm.  She got the 2 tubes placed in her back through to her kidneys.  The Dr. that performed the surgery told me that he had done hundreds of those surgeries and that it was the most difficult.  Her kidney's weren't enlarged like other people's kidneys usually are.  
They didn't completely knock me out for the surgery, but the only thing I remember from it were the two times that I wanted to turn my head.  I was laying on my stomach the whole time and I remember the two times that I wanted to turn my head the other way I would hear people say, "No, no Heidi."  And I thought, "I only want to turn my head...I am not going to get up and run away!"  But thankfully I was able to fall right back asleep.  

Now, I know that this isn't the most flattering picture, but give me a break...when this was taken, my baby was only 6 weeks old!  These are the tubes that are going into my back into my kidneys.  The tubes drain into bags that I strap onto my legs.  NOT FUN.

I know that this isn't the greatest picture either but it was the only one I could find of my bags.  This is what they look like from the front. 

Thursday evening, after surgery, Heidi started to demand ice and grape juice.  She slowly started to wake up more, but her breathing became more difficult.  They put her on oxygen.  She still had a fever of 102.8.  
Okay, so apparently I couldn't get enough grape juice.  My mom said that I would suck that stuff down so fast and then ask for more.  They tell me of a time that I said, "Get me a big cup of that grape juice, and beam me up scotty!!" As I pointed my finger in the air.  I can't help but laugh everytime I think of me doing that...I mean, I don't even like Star Trek.  Where on earth did that come from?!?!  But, I do remember LOVING that grape juice.  I even was the reason that that floor ran out.  I remember one nurse asking me if I needed anything and I told her water.  She then looked at me funny and said, "No grape juice?"  I remember thinking..."Am I really drinking that much of it?!"  Apparently I was.  


Thursday night Heidi started to have pretty bad anxiety attacks.  Her heart rate elevated and her breathing became weaker.  


Friday morning Dec. 3 -  Heidi's body turned a grayish color.  She looked terrible.  Her breathing rate was very high and her heart rate was in the 150's.  They made the decision to put a PICC line (peripherally inserted central catheter) and to move her to the ICU.  It took them 1 hour to perform the PICC line surgery.  We started making phone calls to family and things started to get scary.  We were all getting more and more worried about her.  They gave her a Bi-Pap machine to help her breathe and they started giving her Lasix through her PICC line to help remove the fluid from her body.  


I hardly remember anything about all of this.  I vaguely remember a bunch of nurses/people/dr.'s in my room trying to decide if I needed to go to ICU.  I remember my arm getting messed with while they were putting the PICC line in.  For those of you who are wondering what that is, here is a diagram....

And here is a photo of my PICC line.  I had three different ports attatched....

Friday afternoon- Heidi had to wear the Bi-pap machine to help her breathe.  She wasn't breathing very well on her own so it forced air into her lungs.  Her heart rate was around 120-125.  The Cardiologist came to see her.  They did an ultrasound on her heart, an EKG and chest x-rays.  The Cardiologist believed that she suffered a mild heart attack from all of the stress on her body.  Her heart was enlarged and it was pumping at 35%.  Her breathing rate was 35-40 breaths per minute.  (The average adult resting breathing rate is between 12-20 breaths per minute.)  The nurses warned me that if Heidi didn't show signs of progress that the Dr's were considering putting her into a medically induced coma.  The Bishop came to visit and gave me (Jerrod) a blessing.  It was much needed and very comforting.  Heidi's Dad, and brothers and sisters arrived from Ellensburg.  My dad, Mitch, flew in from Tulsa, Oklahoma at 9 pm that night.  Heidi stabilized but she still has a long road ahead.  The infection in her body was still present.  

While I was writing this I noticed for the first time that I had an ultrasound on my heart.  I can't tell you how weird it is that I don't have ANY recollection of that.  I don't recall much at all about this day.  I just remember HATING the Bi-pap machine.  The force of the air was so strong.  I liken it to sticking your head out the window going at 80 mph.  It gave me horrible anxiety.  I would wake up and want to tear the thing off of me.  When I did, an alarm would go off letting everyone know that I ripped the dang thing off.  I have realized how vital that machine was to my health at that time.  It forced me to breathe.  Up until tonight I didn't understand that completely.  For the first time, I can say that I am thankful for that Bi-pap machine.  Here is a photo of what it looked like....

Saturday Dec. 4- (Kohen's 1 month birthday)

Heidi began to stabilize.  Her heart rate was in the 100-110 range.  Her blood pressure was normal.  However, her oxygen levels were still weak and her lungs had fluid in them.  Her heart was also still weak.  She was able to sit up in a chair out of bed.  

I remember moments about this day.  I remember seeing my siblings...a few in my room at a time.  I remember Mikaela giving me a foot massage.  I remember waking up a couple times and seeing Mitch.  Then seeing my friends, Angel Hawks, Megan Pogue, and Tracie Hoyt.  I don't remember much about them being there, but I do remember that they were there.  I remember my Grandma and Auntie Mary Lou being there with me earlier that day and I took her hand and asked her to tell me a story.  When I was little, my Grandma told me the best stories.  There was something comforting about holding her hand and asking her to tell me a story.  I fell asleep too early to hear the story.  That night I remember seeing glimpses of the OU football game that was on.  I vaguely remember sitting in a chair out of bed.  I remember the Bishop coming to see me.  I will have more on that visit later. 

Sunday- Dec. 5 -  They moved Heidi to a private room, which we were grateful for.  That day she stabilized and her heart rate was below 100.  Her blood pressure was normal, but she still had a slight fever.  Her color in her skin started to return.  She took her first walk down the hall Sunday morning with the help of a wheelchair.  She was still very weak.  

This is a weird day for me to remember because I remember a bit more about this day, but I still don't remember the details.  For instance, I know that my friends Megan and Natalie Metler came to visit, but I don't remember the details about it.  I know that we had full on conversations, but I don't remember much about those conversations.   Walking for the first time again was incredibly difficult.  I couldn't believe how weak I was.  I walked slowly with the help of a wheelchair.  I remember seeing nurses in the hall get excited that I was up and walking.  After merely walking down a hallway, I was exhausted.  It really wore me out.  

Monday Dec. 6- Heidi's heart rate was in the low 90’s. Her blood pressure was stable, and the infection shows its gone. She had a very hard day emotionally due to lack of sleep the previous night.  The Dr. indicated that they believed the infection strarted from Ecoli.  The nurse states that in her chart that the heart attack was changed to Broken Heart Syndrome.  They started medication to strengthen her heart muscles.  Her color started to return to her lips.  Jaela came to give her a facial.  She was able to take a shower.  She still had to wear the Bi-pap machine at night, but due to another anxiety attack had it removed for the rest of the night.

On this day I remember my friend Delee Cox coming to see me.  She gave me a beautiful letter that she had written me.  She also left me with her laptop and some movies to watch.  I also think that Katie Tyler came to see me this day.  I remember this being a VERY hard day.  I was incredibly emotional.  I think that I missed my babies.  It was very hard to be away from them.  Especially my 5 week old, little Kohen.  I needed them, and I am sure that they needed me.  I had two great things that day though...Jaela came in to give me a facial.  It was wonderful.  Of course, I ended up falling asleep towards the end, but it did feel amazing.  And, I got to shower!!  It was so refreshing to be able to shower.  I was still incredibly weak and I had to have Jerrod help me.  I was exhausted when we were done, but it was so worth it.  I still had to have Bi-pap machine on that night, but after an anxiety attack in the middle of the night, the nurse removed it.  I slept so well after that.  Having Jerrod by my side also helped to comfort me.  I was so grateful that he was there with me.  

Tuesday, Dec. 7

Heidi is able to walk more with the help of a walker.  They removed her oxygen during the day.  Her girlfriends came to visit and gave her a pedicure.  Her oxygen was removed at night to see how she did.  She passed! 

I remember waking up Tuesday morning and wanting nothing more than to hold my baby.  I just needed him there with me.  I begged my Mom to bring him to me.  She did and I just held him for hours.  He was exactly what I needed.  When I first held him I just cried.  Oh how I had longed to be with him.  It broke my heart that I couldn't nurse him.  I was so thankful that he took a bottle just fine.  Later that day, my girlfriends, Nena Emmett, and Camila Anderson came to see me.  They brought me treats and Nena gave me a pedicure.  I really enjoyed this visit because I was very coherent.  I wish that I was that way when everyone else came to visit me.  But, I do know that others came to visit and that means SO much to me.  One of my Dr.'s told me that if I did well without the oxygen that night that I could probably go home the next day.  They were all very impressed with my progression.  Dr. Taggart said that I had been doing so well that I really didn't need to stay in the hospital anymore.  I just needed to get stronger and better at home.  I was thrilled to be able to go home.  I wanted nothing more than to be at home, around my kids.  

This was also the day that my very first two nurses, Tristan and Terry, came to see me.  It was wonderful to be reunited with them again.  They had meant the world to me.  I really felt like they cared about me as a person and not just a patient.  I felt their love for me.  When I saw Tristan she just hugged me and cried.  She said that I looked so good.  I can't express the closeness that I feel to her.  I love her and can't wait until I can see her again.  She was my nurse for 2 days.  She said that she had been so worried about me.  I truly believe that Tristan and Terry help make some vital decisions to help save my life.  They are amazing women and I am grateful that I was able to meet them and have them in my life, even if it was for only a couple of days.  

Wednesday morning came and I needed to pass another oxygen test while I walked down the hall.  I did and couldn't wait to get discharged to go home.  They had set up for me to get a walker and a hospital bed delivered to the house.  I had to have a hospital bed so that A: I wouldn't have to walk up and down our stairs, and B: to be able to place both bags on the sides of the bed for my kidney's to drain.  And, I will add my own reason C: because I can't be stuck up in my bedroom all day long without human interaction.  Therefore, the hospital bed got put right in our living room.  It was great.  Not great for the decor, but great that I was able to have one.  I would use the walker to get around when I needed to.  I was still very weak.  

When I got home, my house was spotless.  It was so wonderful to come home to a clean house.  Three sisters from my Relief Society came and cleaned that morning.  My ward has been absolutely amazing.  For the past 3 weeks, we have had meals brought to our family.  My kids have been able to go somewhere to play so that I could rest.  I have had countless prayers offered on my behalf.  My ward has truly shown me what it is like to be Christ-like.  I am so thankful to each and every person who has helped us out.  It has been an incredibly humbling experience.  

There are a couple of other things that I remember that I don't want to forget.  I just don't remember specifically what day they happened on.  

One time I started talking to Jerrod about this brilliant idea I had.  I told him that we needed to invent a flower and call it the Bloomer Sooner.  Now, for those of you who don't know...(and I am sorry...but do you not know us?!?!?) we are HUGE Oklahoma Sooner fans.  Now, for those of you who don't know much about OU football, we say Boomer Sooner as a fan cheer.  So, now that we are on the same page, this may be funny to you as well.  :)  I told him of this great idea for a flower that would bloom quickly and we would call it the "Bloomer Sooner".  I thought it was pretty brilliant.  He thought it was pretty funny that I was SO out of it, but that I wanted to talk to him about that.  I was very much out of it, but I do remember saying something about this.  

My Bishop is an amazing man.  He is truly inspired.  He told me that when Jerrod called him to let him know what was going on, he dropped to his knees to know what to do for me.  He said that he very distinctly felt that I needed church music.  When he came to see me he asked if I had church music.  After conversation, he learned that I could listen to music on Jerrod's phone but that I needed earphones. He went to Wal-Mart and purchased me some earphones so that I could listen to the church music.  The first time that I listened to that music, it completely calmed me while I wore the Bi-Pap machine.  Remember how I said that I hated it?  Well, I did, but when I listened to that music it really helped to soothe me.  I was able to wear it and not have as many anxiety attacks.  My Bishop truly was inspired to know that that would help me.  I am so thankful for him and his willingness to listen to my Heavenly Father.  I am also so thankful for church music.  I have a deeper love for wholesome, church music than I ever did before.  

Speaking of church music, Jerrod and my Mom said that when I would listen to the music, every once in a while I would put my arm in the air and lead the music.  I thought that was pretty funny.  

I know that I don't mention my parents much during my account, but I KNOW that they were there by my side.  I remember a couple nights where my Mom and Dad would be right by my side.  They would take turns while the other slept for a bit.  I would wake up for seconds and see them right there.  I don't care how old you get, when you are sick, your Mom and Dad will always help to make things better.  I know that much was sacrificed to be there, but I also know that there is no way that they wouldn't be there.  When my Mom wasn't with me in the hospital, she was with my kids.  They are so lucky to have such a wonderful Grandma.  I am so thankful for my parents.  I love them so much and feel so blessed that they are mine.  My dad didn't get to see me get stronger like my Mom did because he needed to get back to work.  I didn't realize this until we went home for Christmas.  When my dad saw me, he hugged and kissed my cheek and held me for a long time.  It was another one of those moments that I will never forget.  

In the blessing that the Bishop gave Jerrod, he told him that his hands would be healing to me.  Not only whenever he would touch me, but that they would also heal me when he had blessed me 2 days before.   Before Jerrod told me this, I remember feeling that every time that Jerrod touched me that it would comfort me.  I loved when he would touch me.  

I constantly would hear of people praying for me.  I was told that I was on like 7 temples' prayer rolls.  I have gained a deeper testimony of the power of prayer.  I didn't fully understand it while I was living it, but I almost died.  I was incredibly sick.  I KNOW that I am living today because of the hundreds of pleas that were sent up to our Father in Heaven on my behalf.  I was so so sick a couple of the days and then all of a sudden started to make huge progress.  That is the work of the Lord.  I am grateful that he has put people on this earth who work in medicine.  I am grateful for modern day medicine.  I would have died if I lived 100 years ago.  

I don't think that I will fully ever be able to express my gratitude.  For everything.  For everyone involved in my healing process.  Like I said before, first and foremost I am grateful to my Heavenly Father for listening and answering so many people's prayers.  I am so grateful for my husband.  He was incredibly strong through this whole thing.  He is amazing.  I am so lucky that he is mine.  Forever.  Since I have been home, he has been nothing short of wonderful.  He cleans, takes care of me and the kids and still goes to work to provide for our family.  He has dealt with a lot these past few months.  I feel so bad for him, but I know that he would do anything for me.  

Here is Jerrod flushing my ports.  He had to do this twice a day, everyday while I had this in at home.

I have learned so much from this experience and it is not over.  I am still getting stronger and figuring out how to be at my 100% again.  I am not there yet, but I will be some day.  Little by little.  I am still dealing with kidney stones and surgeries to try to remove them.  I will also have to have another EKG done in January.  I am really hoping to pass that so that I can start exercising again.  Before we left the hospital, the nurse said that I had Sepses.  Let's just say that according to the internet I had a 50% chance of dying.  SCARY!!!!!  I have already played the "what-if" game.  It's not fun.  Now I force myself to play the "I am thankful for..." game and it is much better.  

Last week we met with our Bishop.  He said that my story is a miracle.  I believe it.  Me living today is our modern day miracle.  And it is VERY real.